Thursday, November 20, 2008

33,00,00,000 gods and more

the jewel track goes
"so we pray to as many different gods,
as there are flowers...
but who will save your soul"

and there are... many gods, one each for different religions, castes, societies. there are fights, murders, terrorism over these gods. after all that is disenchantment. from our gods, we form our own gods. we follow cults, or become atheists, we don't believe. Humans have a tendency to slight everything else that anyone else believes. religion can kill you, and it can make you live, in hope.
people have their own way of bringing faith in their lives, and thats what cultures and societies are made on. what brings them happiness is what god is to them. everything else exists cause we exist, we the living, breathing, talking beings. the mere fact that we live in the face of an apparently meaningless or absurd world. everything begins from that and ends there.

Monday, November 17, 2008


Is it really humane to trust and then distrust, and may be trust back again? Is it fair?

I've had my share of trust, distrust, and trust ... Is a moment of distrust following? Will I be able to distrust again? And later, will I be able to trust again?

Is it reasonable to kind of shift between the trust and distrust just based on the need of the hour? That would probably not be a valid statement. We go into a state of distrust when we need Him the most and He isn't there. Or it seems He isn't there. Why do we go back into a state of trust at some point in time again then? Do we need Him again? Do we forgive Him?

Is it fair on our part? Is it fair for Him? Can He forgive us for distrusting Him?

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

gods and their lovers

its been weird two months of my life. from being someone who has just started believing in god to someone who has finally acknowledged she needs the presence, i have come a long way. or maybe not. i can't really decide.
those who have known me for a long time now would probably know that i used to really "believe" in God, his mercy and all that a few years ago.. used to go to the church regularly, more than my christian boyfriend used to go. used to go to the temples and sit their trying to gather every happy feeling inside me. kneel down the minute i felt low and needed anyone, pray before eating, all that... i cant say he was always there. but a certain peace came over. the kind of peace you have when you have faith on a certain someone. and you know this peace wont be over and then it all vanished. with a simple break of heart. not because i blamed god or anything. simply because i was so broken that it never occurred to me, that probably its all for the good. maybe it was, maybe not. i can never definitely say that god stood beside me or not... when i was begging him for getting sam back, whether god even wanted to say "no, i can't" there was no answer and i kind of felt left out. and thats what broke me. somewhere deep down i guess there is larger picture. in certain ways i feel its the smaller details which remain more important.

what got me back to god was love again. this time in a special way. he just prays to god. believes... and that makes me feel i need to believe too. i just need to keep my faith. i dont know what happened.. sitting in the hotel room alone, all i needed was a hug. and i felt maybe i can ask it from someone who i havent asked much from in the last few years. maybe i just need to call him back. the pain was just too huge to bear alone. in god i was trying to find my divine incarnate. the small piece of god that has rubbed off on the person i love so much. i dont know whether god came or not. but the pain eased off. and that was that. i just suddenly needed that presence again. i stil cant decide whether it guides me or not. i still cant decide whether god loves me at all or knows i exist or not. but i just need him. just like i need "A"... i dont know how much more is planned for me. whether i have had it easy till now and its going to be more difficult for me now... whether i can go through it or i will give up. but i still thank him. everytime i talk to my divine touch i thank... and beg he gets his smiles, he gets his pooh, atleast one prayer is answered... he doesnt need me anymore. and i am cassandra.. no one believes me. my premonitions are right. i know whats gonna happen even before they think that is possible.

Sunday, August 03, 2008


adi: :)
3:20 AM am i?
me: u are??
3:21 AM adi: closer to god than u?
me: yeah
adi: i dont thnk so
3:22 AM me: huh???
no u are,,,
uve always trusted him more than i have
adi: impressions r so deceptive my love
3:23 AM me: uhun?
sweety, i used to trust him back in 2005
adi: and if i were that close to god, i wud have convinced him to get sam back for u
maybe i tried too
3:24 AM but wont tell u how much
me: now i only beg to him... im like the beggar outside the puri temple... some of the blessings may fall off from the higher castes of people
adi: hmmm

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

The Almighty

"Trust me, I will take you through the rains and the storms".
"Who are you?"
"The One who is responsible for your existence, for what is called love, for the rains and the storms."
"Ha! Rains and storms and love all have the same source! You cannot be God can You? The God who immerses us in the rain of love, and who drowns us in the storms of life, how can You, oh my, have a dual personality varying from one extreme to another?"
"The rains of love, I cannot give you alone. For you might emerge a better God of the rain of love. You may not emerge a better benefactor for delivering the storms of life..."

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


it just begins.
in abstraction of thought
of concious lovingness
and of playfulness of the heart

i begin to write
romancing romance.
wanting to entice,
the poets and the lovers.
advertising myself,
in jazzy, snazzy titles,
with subtitles in subtelities
and with the timing just right...
i might find the right reviews.

what is it all about??
not questioning st. V's sainthood
the lover's junctions and intentions!
am i even answering myself??
or is this even a poem?
or a gimmick in time??
or just random thoughts
of the ideal (idle) mind...

makeshift causes,
makeshift love
convictions and strengths
diplomacy's games
there is no head or tail to it
m not yet the one,
who is ready
to be "hanged till death"...

all i ask...
let me just be outside the gates of heaven...
to watch the games played
to see u take up the role
of god and lucifer
let me see u dramatise ur duality
let me see u and sir valentines at loggerheads
trying to do and undo love
at stalemates
and i know you will cheat

i want to know who ur agent is?
he has advertised u well,
u know that. right?
now, just how much did u pay?
trade secret is it?
lets just keep this down quiet.

lets not tell st. valentineS
that we have someone
better than ARCHIES

im ur pal sir,
i will assist u in this war.
all i need is a training in marketing.
HE has sent me...
here is his card........"

naah its not a poem
im not a poet either...
this was just a gimmick,
im learning from the new ad agent i met
can't tell u the details can i?
and yet this is but an asylum
i can take refuge.
i can take the poetic liscence
be insane

what are the clauses though???