... Every time Cissy went into a cave, she found herself thinking about God, the God who stacked rock on rock and watched over fatherless girls.
God was Delia's voice in the darkness when Cissy was tired, so soft and clear she almost believed the voice to be real. God was the thing outside herself, that enormous desire to shatter into a thousand living pieces and burn. God was the moment past orgasm, lying spent, belly-down on her own bed with her hand over her mouth-nothing she wanted any of her family to know about.
... Amanda's God was not Cissy's God. Amanda's God counted sins and dealt out penance. Cissy's God breathed righteousness and fire. Amanda's God awarded fat babies and back porches. Cissy's God was the pure risk of some impossible expiation-Jesus on the Cross of the body in extremis, the chance of redemption in the aweful dark. Her God was a grin in the darkness, the agony that rode around her shoulders when she swam so far her muscles gave out... Probably, she told herself, God had to hide in caves these days.
*Excerpt from Cavedweller by Dorothy Allison. Delia is Cissy's mother whom Cissy hated. Amanda is Cissy's step sister who believes that all God cares about is going to the church. I loved Cissy's idea of God when I read this part, and thought of posting it here.
1 comment:
When I was a girl I thought that at the base all religions had some truth. Some grand fundamental truth. Now I wonder if it is more the human need to believe in something. Something bigger than oneself. The need to accept that our lives have some purpose more than we live on this earth and we die and that's the end...
That can be enough. We can live well. But it takes courage to accept it. Very few have that. Not as intelligent, self-aware beings. Not when the end comes close.
And it's not a popular idea. Not socially acceptable. Too many fall into selfish patterns of behavior.
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